Everyone's own Dresden

I like to step on broken paving slabs 
They remind me I'm not the only unstable one. 

For me, depression is like the city of Dresden. 

My mind, my life, who I am, has been destroyed. It is an innocent party, and depression has rained down on it, burning it to the ground. I feel frequently lost and confused and I don't know where to go next because all of a sudden I don't know what I want. How can you know what you want if you don't know who you are? 

My mind is my own Dresden because from the rubble and the ash I can rebuild myself. It will never be exactly like it was before and indeed, I wouldn't want it to be. But I've spent 26 years crafting myself, can I ever be really different? 

I realised very recently I've been having anxiety for 18 years.
The fear of moving home and my reaction to it.
All through my uni days when I would describe my mind racing and the neon blocks playing Tetris in my head, trying to organise my thoughts. I hadn't had that in years until last month. 

When you rebuild yourself after a  breakdown or just particularly bad depressive episode, you actually build a San Fran Dresden. You pick yourself up from the ashes and you work to make the pillars of your mind more secure in the face of depression. To protect and fight against the shakes of anxiety. 

In my San Fran Dresden I'm relearning to love the things that make me who I am, and I build it around all the things I want to do. There are unmapped territories I am yet to discover. There's a need to have something 'to look forward to'.

It takes a while to realise, but life with and after depression is just life. The only difference is that, against the odds, you are still here, still standing. 

You are San Fran. 
You are Dresden.