The Search for Spock...

The best thing about my job is that I get to learn about new things. For example, the Eurozone, British Transport Police, Saudi Arabia.  The worst thing about this job is focusing on a topic that really hits home with you and you can't seem to do anything about it.
The representation of women in the media has forever plagued me, but researching the topic of beauty and the media for my job has opened my eyes. I'm not alone in my opinion. In fact there are people out there who have even stronger views than I do, and are calling for change.
This includes people such as Kat Fridkis, at Eat the Damn Cake, who is a delight to speak to and learn from.

But this has made me decide that I need to do more to help other women and spread the word to challenge the way we are advertised to, and used in advertising. The problem is that the beauty and fashion industries are convinced that products only sell when thin and beautiful women advertise them. The fact is EVERYONE is beautiful in their own way, and I would be more likely to buy a product if it was advertised by "ordinary" women (the Dove adverts are a case in point, but while they do some great work - Onslaught video, Self Esteem fund - they are a flawed case in point - "real women have real curves" - what about the women who don't have curves?!).
What I'm also finding is that alot of the anger directed at how the media represents women is tied inextricably with feminism. I have always classed myself as feminist, but a passive feminist, if there is such a thing. I refuse to marry, I will not have kids. But I don't actively preach (is preach the right word?) about the issues feminist are fighting for. Perhaps because I don't actually know... Are there really the men-hating feminists? Is dressing slutty a feminist statement? What about sleeping around?

Almost 5 months ago, my mum made the most feminist move of her life - she asked for a divorce. And putting aside the anger and the hurt that this action (an agreement from my father) has caused, my mum became a feminist in deciding that she wasn't going to put up with my dad's dirty washing on the bedroom floor anymore. She didn't want to pick up after him, or make him dinner. Go mum!
But then she got false nails. She's had her eyebrows dyed and her moustache bleached. And I don't see how those actions could free her from the oppressor that is my father and her boring marriage.

I want to be feminist. But does being feminist mean using my looks to get me power? Or does it mean working so hard and making sure my looks don't count? Does it mean working inside the system to get to the top to make a difference, or fighting it every step of the way?

I'm becoming more aware, and more accepting of myself as a woman, and as a result, I believe I will be more aware and accepting of myself as a person. I hope for a day when my self-esteem does not plummet just because I get a new spot on my chin. I'm just hoping that my other obstacle, the headache obstacle, doesn't hold me back.