For a start, if
you aren't aware of Boris Johnson's latest gaff, I insist you acquaint yourself
now.
[Assumes viewer has read it] I know, right?! It's a bit like,
"OMG WTF?!"
The comments
about Marion Bartoli after she won the Wimbledon Women's Final were
unbelievable. She doesn't deserve to win because she's ugly? Because she's fat?
Because she's French?!
So we have a
range of insults from the xenophobic to the disgusting and just plain stupid
comments about her looks (what a person’s face looks like does not affect their
athleticism! If Marion Bartoli were actually fat, then we wouldn't be the kind
of athlete that could play 7 matches and win the tournament in less than a
fortnight.)
The one comment
I caught from the article was "For the first time ever a man wins
the Wimbledon final!"
The comment that
she looks like a man, that's what gets my goat. An athlete, the stamina and
skill of which many people could only dream of possessing, doesn't fit the stereotype
of a woman. A "real" woman. A woman with curves, a great rack and a
packin’ booty, but not fat, in fact slim, thin even. Not “fit” like Lisicki.
When a woman
wants to succeed in life, particularly careers, often advice leans toward
watching how your male colleagues act and emulate them. They are more likely to
push their ideas forward, more likely to be promoted, more likely to ask for a
pay rise. So we are encouraged to act like men. BUT! Not too much, or you'll be
derided for being too manly, in a similar way to how men are derided for being
too girly.
Being like a
girl is a bad thing.
And not being
girl enough is a bad thing.
Rock and a hard
place much?
Pour example,
Milady faces a dilemma after she has been imprisoned by her brother.
Oh how awful! She isn't a man, that most excellent and fantastic of creatures. She is but a mere woman. Woe is she.
There is one
significant aspect of my life where I feel that this has been the case with me.
Where I have tried to act like men and use the same behaviour, and in a way it
has backfired.
Grandparents, if
you're reading this, you may want to look away for the next paragraph. (Or
5)
That aspect of
my life is sex. It is sleeping with who I want, when I want, and as many or as
few times as I want. It is exploring what I like at the same time as exploring
who I like.
And it got me
quite the reputation.
I have said
"yes I'm a slut" because I felt powerful. Even though I was using a
word loaded with negative connotations, I was using it as though it were a
fact, not an insult.
I thought that
using sex, using men, would make me happy, because men were so happy doing it
themselves. If they are doing it, why can't I?
I was trying to
be feminist, but I was just falling into that trap of acting like a man, whilst
trying to be an equal woman.
Now, I have
never felt freer. I feel free to make my own decisions about my sex life, and
also my love life. Before I have felt trapped in relationships because of the
fear of losing friends or from being alone. But let's face it, losing friends
and being alone seems to be par for the course with me. Learning what I want in
the bedroom and outside of it too has meant hard decisions. I fully support
people's desire to have casual relationships, and particularly for women to
have casual relationships with men or women without fear of retribution.
It can come with
consequences though, and whilst one would be a negative rep, 9 years after I
first embarked on this adventure I had to face up to the consequences of
falling for someone with which I was having a casual relationship, and I had to walk away from it.
It doesn't hurt
less because I've known so many men and will hopefully know many more.
(Contrary to popular belief, "man-eaters" can have feelings too).
But it hurts
less knowing that I made the right decision to save my sanity and my heart.
It still hurts
though.
I distinctly
remember thinking that losing that sacred innocence known as virginity was the
gateway to adulthood. Men are certainly taught this. But it was only when I
started doing it I noticed the social consequences, and
no doubt I've been lucky.
We need to take
back the words “slut” and “whore” and “stop
calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you
sluts and whores.”
We need to
accept that all women are different - some women want monogamous long-term
relationships, and others want several non-committal casual ones. Neither woman
is worth less than the other.
I am not worth
less than any other woman because I slept with more than one guy. I am not
worth more than any other woman because I do not conform to the societal norm
of monogamy.
And I am no less
‘woman’ and no more ‘man’ because I sleep with who I want.
I am all woman.
And all women
are different.
And all men and
women are equal.
I am equal.
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