Second Half

It's July. We're officially in the second half of 2014. How the hell did that happen?! I am sure the older I get, the faster time flies. When there's not enough time to get stuff done this is no good thing. But when you are counting down the months, or weeks, or days til something or someone special, days flying by is no bad thing.  

But the second half is a good time to take stock of how life is going this year, 6 months into it. Although, 5 months of this first half I spent abroad, exploring new places and meeting new people. And feeling like I didn't fit in. 

Melbourne, Australia's culture capital, invented White Night last year. The second celebration of art, music, film, visual projection, had the streets filled. Jammed. Like standing on the pavement wondering why no one is moving, having your ankles rammed by pushchairs, your toes trodden on, making small penguin steps. Instead of feeling as if I was a part of the crowds - after all, I was traveling and seeking new experiences and culture and that's exactly what White Night gave it's public - I was caught by surprise at just how uncomfortable I am with the world we live in.  

When were we taught that we were all the mattered? As a species, how can we advocate looking out for  number one? How can we let councils erect anti-homeless spikes in doorways? How can we sit there in our cars, watching a homeless couple raid bins? Is it because we are in the safety of our cars? The physical barrier protects us. 

Is it because we are taught that the world is that way, it always will be that way. 

I call bullshit on that.  

This is the society that we chose to be. We are responsible for this. We invented the fast food that does damage to our insides. We invented the drugs, legal and otherwise that people use because sometimes they need more to life. Or sometimes less. We invented banking, and more to the point, money. Did we create the greed that comes with it?  

In these crowds of people at White Night, I felt like I was swimming in consumerism. I felt like I could not and would not engage with them. These are not my people, this is not my world. I don't want any part of it. I want out. Stop the world; I want to get off. 

There is guilt in me. That while I'm in constant pain, there are those that are in worse, with no chance or respite. While I worry about cash flow, I'm not worried enough that I have to choose between eating and heating. 

My problems are minuscule, negligible. 

And I have to recognise that the problems of this world do not lie on my shoulders alone.  They are everybody's problems.  

We are all human beings trying to get by.  

Lately I've been losing sleep, dreaming about the things that we could be. 

We, the people. We, humans. 

We have so much potential. Why are we wasting it? In the second half of this year, I will strive to stop wasting my potential.