This will be short. I have to put it down on (virtual) paper because for some reason I agreed to be honest and open.
I am on the verge of developing an eating disorder. Having "binged and purged" before in my life, and sometimes just simply "purged" to make myself feel better, I can say that this last week is different.
Because I feel like I can't control the rest of my life, I'm trying desperately to control my food. But in my desperation to tighten my grip, I am losing it hard and fast and now more frequently.
I'm aware my behaviour is destructive, and unhealthy is a different way to the "unhealthy" foods I'm binging on (Tracker bars are becoming my worst enemy). I've irritated the lining of my stomach pretty quickly - I have a delicate constitution apparently!
But I can't seem to break the cycle. I know I'm losing control and having trouble because I'm trying to control my food, but I keep feeling like if I could just control my food then I could feel much better...
I have a lot of hard work ahead of me, to ensure that this doesn't take control of my life - a control I wouldn't welcome! I'm not well, and I'm the cause of this. But I'm ok, I know I can move forward and get back to sane eating. I will get there. I just don't really know how.
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