Talking about last night

Last night I was the kind of "crazy" that people take pains to avoid on the street. 

The kind muttering to themselves. Twitching and moaning. In a world of their own, not in an adorable distracted way.

  

last night

It was burning, and I was crying and shaking, but I couldn't stop it. I was wringing my hands violently as if to shake the itchiness out through my fingers. At one point I can pulling on my right index finger because it was on fire with itching. 

It started with the crying. I felt despondent, I lay protracted on my bed wondering why my brain was so slow and making everything so hard. 

I tried to harm myself by pulling my hair out but it didn't hurt enough. 

I used a self harming alternative which succeeded in making my arm sting. 

Then I got a sudden burst of energy and I tidied up my room. 

And then that's when the itching started. 

First it was my arm where I'd drawn all over it in pen in a bid to not cut.

Then it spread up my arm. And across my chest to the other arm. 

And then I was scratching my arms as if I was possessed. 

It started spreading to my legs and my face and I decided there was nothing for it but to run a bath. 

A shallow puddle of cool water. I lowered myself in hurriedly and I would never normally have a bath that cold but I needed relief.

The act of getting my thoughts together to run a bath had helped me become more lucid. 

I scratched a bit more in the water but it helped me to calm down. 

I went downstairs afterward to take an antihistamine. And then I phoned my boyfriend. 

this morning

This is a more tangible side effect of withdrawal than the headaches, or the anxiety. You can see the damage it does immediately. The sunburn effect I experienced on my body last night faded to leave these bruises. I write this the day after and I itch. My hip itches, my hands itch, my head itches. 

And these bruises will fade, and my sanity with it? 

1 more day.