Preoccupation with surnames... and Christmas

One comment I remember from the hospital filming on Saturday was that the baby was labeled with mum's surname, which was different to dad's surname. This was in case of emergency they said, so they could match mum & baby up without a problem. "It's easier when you're married", said the midwife.

There is, it seems, a preoccupation with surnames. With having the same surname as your partner, or as your child.
Like a lot of opinionated people, I sometimes find it hard to take on board someone else's feelings about a subject, especially when it's one I feel so strongly about.
And surnames is one I feel strongly about.

A few weeks back I had a debate with my friend about surnames, and women taking their husband's surname when they get married. I've just gone through the legal process of changing my surname from Smith to Smith-Bodie, and the question I got asked most often when telling administrators my new name was along the lines of "So did you get married then?" This was exactly the way my doctor put it, but others simply asked Was I still 'Miss' or Is that 'Mrs' now? In fact I got it today, at work - could I bring in a marriage certificate or deed poll certificate. Well I can bring in my deed poll certificate...
Whilst it's great that people are aware that some women add their husband's surname to their maiden name, I don't see why women should have to change their name at all.

My friend said some women just wanted to have the same name as their husband and just because I didn't think that was right didn't mean these women are idiots.

But they must be idiots if only for the one simple reason that changing your name IS NOT EASY. Or cheap!
£43 for my Deed Poll certificates & fee.
£89 for a new passport.
I haven't done my drivers license yet, but that'll be what, another £20.

And the forms you have to fill in seem pointless, and the long list of people you need to tell seems never ending.
HMRC. Banks (I have accounts with 4 banks...) Doctor. Dentist. Optician.
Oyster Card. Mobile phone provider. Amazon. Ebay. Paypal (who want photocopies of your new Passport & Deed poll certificate...)

When I move house, I'll have to do it all over again, too.


Changing my name was for me, an identity thing. I was born a Smith. Christened a Smith.
But I am so close to my maternal grandparents that it seemed crazy that I wasn't a Bodie too. And with my parents divorcing, I don't know if my mum will revert to her maiden name, but she won't technically be a Smith anymore.

I guess, in the same way, taking your husband's name is the same sort of thing, for your identity. Creating a new identity for yourself. But to me it seems like it's taking your identity away. I look at my name change as an evolution of my identity. I'm still a Smith, I'm just a Bodie too now, officially, on paper. I see taking your husband's name as a loss of identity. It's your name, why should that be taken away from you?

(And let's face it - 1 in 3 marriages ends in divorce right, so why bother changing your name if you might be that 1 in 3?)

I came across this blog post whilst looking up about this subject, and it includes this quote:

To name oneself is the first act of both the poet and the revolutionary. When we take away the right to an individual name, we symbolically take away the right to be an individual. Immigration officials did this to refugees; husbands routinely do it to wives - Erica Jong.

My name is who I am. I do not want to get married, so I will never be faced with this dilemma. But I am imploring women not to give up their names just because it seems like standard practice, or because they think you'll look less committed if you don't, or because they worry their children will be disaffected by having parents with different surnames. Just give your children double-barrelled surnames, duh. Double-barrelled surnames are, like, so cool.

**

In a quick aside, my friend is going to a pub in Redhill tonight for their Christmas stalls. Yes, that's right Christmas stalls. It is September. My mum text me this picture the other day or Christmas chocolate calendars or whatever they are called that she saw in the shops.

Let me reiterate - It. Is. September. 

Are we all so desperately lacking in our lives that we need 4 months to prepare for one day of the year that costs too much and makes lots of people fatter and is essentially the epitomy of our consumerist society?

This year for Christmas, I have bought everybody charity gifts. And then when I get back from Trek America, I'll buy some chocolate coins to go with them.

I've only bought everybody's presents already because I like to be organised. Not because, I'm like, SUPER EXCITED FOR XMAS OMG!

I haven't liked Christmas for years, partly due to resenting the fact that shops fill with fake cheer and consumerist tat, mostly due to the way my mother gets miserable and drunk every Christmas because we don't care and her grandad died at Christmas.

Now I don't have a "nuclear" family, Christmas is going to be even more awkward. This year will be the first year I wake up in a home with only one of my parents.

I think birthdays are the special occasion you should make an effort with presents. Not Christmas. Christmas is Jesus' birthday, not mine. Or yours. Unless you are Jesus. I'm sure as hell not.

**

Lastly, in an even quicker aside, this morning I discovered is not easy to drive whilst having a nosebleed. Whilst it's hard enough to drive into London on a Monday morning, doing it whilst blood drips down onto your bare chest and stains your lovely magenta vest top, could result in disaster.

Good thing I'm an excellent driver then.

HA.

I'll let you know if the top survives...