Share A Coke With Friends, they said. What If You Have No Friends, I said.

Last night, I paid £9 to stand like an awkward loner for half an hour and flee the depths of Stockwell in tears. 

I am not a social butterfly. I am not good at making friends, or keeping friends. I'm not good with communication. I'm just terrible at talking to strangers and being in crowds. 

This is something I have known about myself from a young age. I remember my first Brownie session- my sister ran around getting involved in the games, as I clung to my mum crying. 

I left Brownies because I had no friends there.

I consistently see articles saying how you will live longer and alleviate depression if you have friends. So one can only assume that if you are best left to your own company then it shall be a quick descent down the depression spiral for you.

Movies and TV shows made me think I'd grow up with a huge gang of mates. Hey Arnold, Arthur, even the Rugrats. I do have friends, I love the friends I do have, but it's not what I was led to believe I would have. I suppose this is true for the portrayal of most aspects of life in TV and film. 

It's not that I'm terrible at talking to people. I talk to people for a living. But it's not the same thing. Phoning someone and being the Spanish Inquisition about their lives is a damn sight easier than walking into a room of people, none of whom you have ever seen or spoken to before and striking up conversation with the first person you happen across.

I stood there last night, clutching my drink and smiling at people, but rooted to the spot in terror. I could think of tons of things to say, a bunch of opening gambits, but my feet wouldn't carry to me to people, or my mouth just wouldn't open. 

On the tube on the way there, I got chatting to a guy. Well, actually, he started chatting me up. But I was capable of talking back. It's not like I can't talk at all. I just can't do it if I'm the first one. And I can't do it when I'm so worried that they will think I'm the desperate loner that, let's face it, I am. 

This inability to talk to strangers is worrying. Not just because in life you are often measured by your ability to talk to people and how many friends you have, but, more immediately, because I'm leaving to go to a country where I know about 3 people, and I won't be with them all the time. Will I make friends in hostels? Or am I facing a year of almost solitude?



Share a Coke with friends, they said. What if you have no friends to share it with, I said. Well then, they said, you can have all the Coca Cola goodness to yourself, as part of a healthy, active lifestyle.

Can I just ask, legit question here, who the hell shares a 500ml bottle anyway?! Doesn't anyone intending to share their coke get a 1.5 or 2litre bottle?! Or maybe it's that actually no one does share a 500ml bottle so you'll have to get to get more than one and...ah, I see what they did there. Well done, Coca Cola. Well played.

Edit: I walked past the Share a Coke truck at Westfield and people were coming away with tiny bottles! Not even a 330ml can's worth! That's a normal glass size, who the hell shares a normal glass?!