There's More To Life Than Rush

It's December. It's nearly the end of 2013. I cannot believe this year has gone already. A year ago I was just getting back from what was up until now the trip of a lifetime. And actually, Trek is still the trip of a lifetime. It was the trip of a lifetime for an Emma that doesn't exist anymore. I came back irrevocably changed.

I've been trying to write New Years resolutions for 2014, but it's surprisingly hard. I don't know where I'm going to be, or what I'm going to be doing. How do I know what's achievable or not? I like my NY's resolutions to be achievable, usually not too broad, which means I never put "lose weight" or "build self esteem" any more, because those are too broad; improvements that have any number of ways to achieve them. And it only makes you feel worse if you don't achieve them.

Before I get onto what I think my 2014 resolutions will be, I'm going to review my 2013 resolutions.

Resolutions 2013

1. Watch 500 out of 1001
2. Read list of books (10)
3. Complete Before 24 list
4. Learn to knit
5. Ride the Bluebell Railway
6. Make a roast dinner
7. Save £1000 for Australia

I was unsuccessful in two of these: numbers 3 and 6. Although I still have a few weeks to complete number 6, I'm not really in a position to make a roast dinner for myself or anyone else, so I'm ruling it uncompleted. And I failed at completing my Before 24 List, which if you don't remember what that was about, you should read this old blog. 

And so to the others that I have been successful at. Whilst I may not be the best knitter in the world, I understand the basic principle of it, even if I still can't cast on. I easily saved £1000 for Australia, and I rode the Bluebell Railway for my birthday.

Self/unemployment at the beginning of the year meant I rocketed through my list of books to read, though that list did include the Fifty Shades trilogy. And I have now watched over 500 of my 1001 films to see before I die, and it'll likely stay at that number until I return from Australia.

So what am I going to do for 2014? Usually I'd have a films to see resolution, but I don't have Lovefilm any more, or even a disc drive in my laptop. I could have a books to read list to complete, but books are cumbersome for a backpacker, and there's only so many free books I've got downloaded on my phone.

Should I make some Australia-centric resolutions? I could make it a resolution to see Uluru, but I could also make it a resolution to see Fraser Island, the Whitsundays, to do a skydive over Mission Beach. And that's only Queensland... What about a resolution to climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge, or do something equally iconic in Victoria, or Tasmania, Western Australia or the Northern Territory (none of which I know anything about). Maybe I should have a resolution that requires me to visit the Neighbours set. I don't like vague resolutions, so I can't just have a resolution that says "travel".

And what about the main reason I came over to Oz - work? I had planned to make it a resolution to work in Aus TV...but I've been doing that the past two weeks. Granted, not being paid for it, so perhaps that should be written into the resolution.

Last year I had a resolution to save money for this year abroad. Should I again have a resolution to save money - but this time for my return home? This really depends on me getting work of any kind.

Maybe I am overthinking this. Okay I am definitely overthinking this, but I like to plan. I like to be organised and make lists and goals, and often lists about goals or goals that involve lists.

I see resolutions as a way to become the person you want to be. But there's only so much control I have over the person I'm going to be by the end of 2014.

Maybe I should try to have a resolution not to get burnt again. Let's see how long that one lasts.

Big Fat End of the Year blog

Despite not liking being told what to do by peer pressure or society, I do make resolutions every year. In fact, making my resolutions makes the new year so exciting, and this year I started making them in November.

For comparison, my 2012 resolutions were: 
(the ones highlighted are the one I completed)

1. Watch 450 out of 1001 (films to see before you die)
2. Read list of books (10 books in total, of varying lengths and genres)
3. Watch Dr Who DVDs and videos
4. Get first aid certificate
5. Save £2000 into ISA
6. Try 8 new recipes
7. Learn to use chopsticks
8. Get rid of 1 memory box
9. Learn short hand
10. Write a feature film script
11. Ride the Bluebell railway.

2013's are...
1. Watch 500 out of 1001 films
2. Read list of books (9, one of which I finished this morning, and a trilogy included as 1)
3. Complete my Before 24 list (see below)
4. Learn to knit
5. Ride the Bluebell Railway
6. Make a roast dinner
7. Save £1000 for Australia 

Since I achieved 7 last year, and may only be around in this country for 10 months, I thought I'd pare down the resolutions a bit. Although two of them refer to completing other lists (2 & 3). And ride the Bluebell is back on there, because I really want to do it, and I want to do it. Riding the Bluebell and making a roast dinner are ones that can be achieved in one day and with relative ease.
And after a shaky start, I think I'm making progress on number 4.

Years ago, my resolutions would have included vague desires such as "Gain self-esteem" and "Lose weight" (2 years ago, it was "Lose 8lbs, which is less vague). 
These are the unattainable type of resolution, because much as I am all keen to do it, I never have the discipline or make the plan to achieve them. (And how the hell does one go about gaining self-esteem anyway? Read lots of contradictory books of how to feel the fear and be happy in 7 days?)
N.B This year's 'Learn to knit' poses a similar problem. When can one say one has learned to knit? I have learned the knitting stitch, I know the basics. Will it be when I make my first item? Inevitably, this first item is going to be either a scarf, or a large rectangle that I will claim is a blanket for my cat. 
N.B.B or N.B2 or whatever it is - my resolution of 'Write a feature film script' was a similarly unattainable through lack of discipline kind of resolution. But one day. One day...
 

I like goals, and I like lists. I like making resolutions, but I don't feel too bad if I don't achieve them. I throw in easy ones (like this year's 'Get rid of on memory box' which consisted of going through all my memory boxes and looking at everything and if I couldn't remember what memory I was meant to be remembering, I got rid of the thing) so that I can tick something off the list.
I like ticking things off lists more than I like making the lists themselves. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

This year's resolutions include 'Complete Before 24 list' which consists 6 activities or tasks I want to do before I turn 24 in April:
1. Play a full game of Monopoly
2. Visit Ireland
3. Learn to light a BBQ
4. Learn to mow grass
5. Get 4th tattoo
6. Get a credit card

I've already completed number 4, and number 5 is being designed. I fear that by April the weather will not have been warm enough to light a BBQ, and also we don't actually own a BBQ anymore...

I suppose my unwritten resolution, which I will face a daily battle of achieving, is stay true to myself, and live my life for me. Lest I sound like a weirdo with trust issues, you can only really rely on yourself (although I cannot rely on my body all the time, damn headache.) People have their own lives, and their own problems, and their own resolutions. 
New Year's is all about change, but I'm not changing for anyone but myself. 
Here's to the New Year!
And here's to making resolutions (and lists) :D