What's So Scary About Being Hairy?

OK, I'm going to have to break the news to you all, and I'm going to try and do it slowly.


Just because
I'm growing my armpit hair...
does not mean
I'm going to hide them away.



QUELLE HORREUR, I hear you gasp.

Well, get over it.


I am already a week in to growing my armpit hair for a charity called Verity which supports women who suffer from Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (see my JustGiving page here). The movement is called Armpits4August, and it's like a woman's version of Movember. Except, people with prostate cancer don't suddenly grow excessive hair, and if they did, well, people with prostates tend to be male, and hair on men is universally accepted.

But hair on women?

I mean, who'd a thunk it?


My mother called me "brave". Someone said armpit hair is gross and disgusting, but promised to sponsor me. There was the "Can I sponsor you not to do it?" comment. And then there is the assumption that I will hide my armpits away, like they are a deformity, or something to be ashamed of.


Whilst in my head I sometimes feel a little self-righteous and think "Yeah! I'm doing this! I'm not a slave to the razor! The patriarchy ain't gonna tell me what to do with my body hair!", these self-righteous moments pass and I remember that actually, as a woman I should be able to choose what I do with my body, and that includes my body hair, and if I choose to shave it off, then OK.

One of the biggest things I've learned in the last year about feminism is that it is about equality for all, and the freedom for everybody to make their own decisions. Not the "right" decisions. But the right decisions for themselves. And that includes the things most people think feminists hate, such as make-up and shaving and high heels and short dresses and bras.

For me, I shave when I feel like it. I showed my mum my new heels I wore last night to a charity fundraising dinner and her first comment was about me not having shaved my legs.
Erm, you might be my mother, mother, but it's not up to you whether I shave my legs. In fact, it's not up to anybody else. It's up to me.

And also, I didn't have the freakin' time between caring for my elderly dementia-ridden neighbour and trying to research laptops for my travels. I've got shit to DO people. I haven't got the time to rush a razor up my pins just so I can satisfy expectations of normal.

And that is where the comments get my goat. Shaved legs, shaved armpits, and even shaved muffs these days are the NORM. The societal NORM. So therefore armpit hair, leg hair, and muff hair, are wrong.
Since when did policing and eradicating our own body hair become the norm?
Since when is such a hatred of our bodies so normal?

We are taught so much to hate our own bodies. And I'm not just talking about women anymore. Yes, I would say women are the main targets of the media and the cosmetics industry and the cosmetic surgery industry. They want us to buy into the belief that we are not good enough/too fat/too ugly/too unfashionable, but I would say that because I am a woman. I  can't away from the fact that I do not have a male perspective on this topic, and others. I wish I could have more discussions with men about how they are feeling. Because actually, whilst women's magazines are dangerous because they have articles on how to love your life adjacent to articles on the newest diets and hottest celeb techniques, men are also suffering from the cycle of self-hatred. Whilst women are given stick-thin models to aspire to, men are given macho muscle-men to throw themselves against the gym weights to look like.

Where's the compromise? Stick thin women and hyperbolic muscle men? The tiniest percentage of people look like that, and so it leaves the rest of us to just be miserable over our own, apparently inadequate, bodies.

I'm sick of being made to feel ashamed of my own body. I'm sick of being made to feel like I should be losing weight or toning up to compete in the world. My looks are not everything. I want to be healthy, not thin. And I'm especially sick of feeling like if I don't possess tanned, silky smooth legs that a handkerchief could float off of, then I'm not worth anything, or worthy of anything. The girl with the silky legs gets the guy, the self-esteem, the random beach holiday that women brandishing razors seem to get taken on. I don't want a guy that wants silky legs, thank you. I'd rather not have a guy if that was the deal.

And this is not just a Western problem - Chinese women are turning to cosmetic surgery to stay in their jobs. There is a global problem with body image, and something needs to be done.

We are, in a way - in a big way really - responsible for our own fears and insecurities. Yes the media can and does create a fear or insecurity but ultimately they create the opportunity for us to feel that fear, to harbour that insecurity. We allow it to take hold, to have strength, to possess our minds. That is why I still look at other women and wish I was as thin as her, or as fashionable as her, because I have allowed the idea that I am not good enough the way I look or the way I dress to grow and flourish inside.

But I am good enough for myself, no matter what my shape or size or length of armpit or leg hair. I have no reason to be good enough for anybody except myself. I feel like I'm being told I should shave my legs and my armpits and my muff because that's what people do. But why should I be made to feel ashamed for not doing that? The people that think it's gross, or disgusting, need to look at why they think that way. Who taught them that? Because science didn't - scientific research suggests that bacteria loves clammy, shaved armpits, and armpit hair suggests

What I want, what I would really like, if for all women to think about why they shave their armpits. Is it because hair is gross (science says no). Or because they think hair is gross (probably). And if that is what they think, then why do they think that, and is that the way it should be.

As I said above, one of the biggest things I've learned is that feminism is about choices, and if it is your choice to shave, then that's great. But I want you to be doing for you. If you are shaving because you're afraid of people's reactions, your friends' reactions or your boyfriend/girlfriend's reaction if you don't, then perhaps it's time to question not why people shave their armpit hair, but why people don't grow it. Don't do something because you're afraid of not doing it. Do something because you are afraid of doing it, like bungee jumping, sky diving, or growing your armpit hair...

And I would just like to reach out to all the women, and men, and say judge me on my personality, my beliefs, my flaws and virtues, and yes, my actions. But do not judge me on my looks, and do not judge me on my body hair. I am not a freak, I am not disgusting, and I am not growing it for you to pass comment on, unless that comment is the opener to a discussion or debate. I am growing it for myself, and this month for charity.




And here is my armpit a week in. There is nothing scary about being hairy.

A List of Dislikes

I have a new tattoo.
It hurt like a b**ch to have it done.
It dislikes a lot of things.

For example, it dislikes bending over in certain ways.
It dislikes walking too fast (I haven't even attempted to run). It dislikes stairs, and taking steps down off the kerb. It dislikes most movements, actually.
It dislikes the pressure of the wind. It dislikes a hand in a coat pocket on top of it.
It dislikes clothes against it. It dislikes me putting on these clothes, and taking off these clothes. 
It dislikes being touched, even when it's getting covered in soothing, moisturising cream. 

But I absolutely love it to goddamn pieces. The less it sticks to my clothes, the more the pain decreases, the more I fall in love with it.
Is this the way to love your body? By drawing on it with needles? 

The night before I got it done I dreamt I overslept and missed the appointment. When I then woke up before my alarm, I decided to get up, just in case.

But also that night before I started to panic about whether it would look good. Not that the design would look good, but whether it would look good on me. Whether I should have lost weight before having it done, so that my body would look better. 
As it turns out, I like the way it sits just before the curve of my hip. 
And when I showed my sister when I uncovered it for the first time, she said "You're so skiiinnyyy." Which I wasn't expecting. 

If the remedy of body dislike is to tattoo it with the things you love, then I will continue to cover it. 
Except maybe not on my ribs next time.

Perhaps I am simply trying to exert some control over my physical entity, which continually denies me control if you look to my headache as an example. And also because I just can't seem to stop eating these bourbons.

It's damn hard just to EXIST

I am having a huge amount of trouble with my self image at the moment. I am not wearing foundation but I am still worrying about my outfits. I took my toenail polish off for the first time in years last night. And I mean years. Well, okay, I have taken it it off before, but only in order to repaint. This time I took it off with no urge to repaint as soon as I had done.  But are things like, cutting and filing your nails, is that anti-feminist?

That is my problem. I feel like if I worry about my self-image, and my looks, then I am being anti-feminist.

I have been reading and learning for the last few weeks on lookism, and beauty and feminism, and I am under the impression that a woman should get where she wants to go without it being because of her looks. But does that mean she can't use her looks to help her get what she wants? If she is promoted simply because she is pretty, then surely she will go nowhere fast? But what if she is intelligent and makes no effort with her appearance? Will she even get promoted in the first place?

The more I research lookism, the more I realise how much rests on your appearance that shouldn't do, and the damage done by judging people. I've had bad self esteem for as long as I can remember. I still judge myself against other people. And I still judge other people. I am such a hypocrite in this respect. But I find myself simply commenting to myself on how someone looks. I saw today a woman standing on her phone at a tube station entrance, and she watched with a scowl as a girl in front of me walked past her. This girl in front of me was putting on a coat and hiking up her skinny jeans. Wasn't being mean, or giving her an evil look first. But this woman clearly didn't like the look of her.  "Don't like the look of". That's being lookist. Yes I suppose it is acceptable when you see a creepy man hanging about a bar, a dodgy mafia person who looks like he might shake you down - these are all stereotypes though and not strictly the truth so maybe it is not acceptable to think this.
"I don't like the look of this" judges a situation on your perception of it. And it is just as acceptable in today's society to judge a person on your perception of them.  So, should I make an effort to look good in the workplace?  Suppose all workplaces have a certain dress code (ours is Smart-Casual unless the bosses are seeing the big man, then it's Smart. Because he would look down on them if they didn't dress up to scratch.) We all judge people on what they wear. Is that lookist? Or is lookism when we judge people on their body type (there's fattist but not thinist) and their facial characteristics. Things they can't help. Or could help if they went to extreme measures (yes, an overweight or obese person could restrict their diet. But some people do just have naturally curvy physiques.) This puts lookism in the same '-ist' category as ageist, sexist or racist. But can you draw parallels with lookism and racism?!  So here is my feminist dilemma (because lookism is a hugely feminist issue, for the obvious reason that women are judged for their looks FAR more than men): should I paint my nails, or is that anti feminist? Should I straighten my hair, or is that anti feminist? Should I wear more war paint aka make up, or is that anti feminist? Am I betraying my sex by wearing foundation/a skirt/high heels/straight hair? Or are these just ways to empower myself? I am reading the book Beauty Bias for work by a woman quoted in this article about make up.  I think it might just come down to personal preference. I don't want to wear foundation at the moment, but I wouldn't be adverse to wearing it again in the future. I hate high heels, even if I "should" wear them because I'm short. Skirts are okay. I prefer to have straight hair, though it's a major hassle to do, but easier to deal with when it's done. And I don't much like my natural hair.
Bloody society, for making it so damn hard just to EXIST.

Things I've seen lately

This article about Kristen Stewart wearing trainers at a premiere. If an older actress had done it, they'd probably be vilified her. 

Also, this article about a girl who lost loads of weight. " "I feel beautiful" she is finally able to say". Hmph. Not sure how I feel about that.

And finally, this article about single women. This is how I imagined my life would be before I met my current boyfriend. This is how my life will be if something were to happen that meant the loss of my current boyfriend. I do love him, but I envy their lives. Although I can't help but notice there's a tinge of mockery in this article. Perhaps because that is the way The Daily Mail writes, or because I expect there to be. I am probably (or probably not) just reading too much into it.

(Sorry for them all being The Daily Mail. For some reason they report on EVERYTHING.)

Is it cos I is Ugly?

Today I came across this.
This amused/entertained/fascinated me for a while. I'm going to post on there for work. But I thought I would share it with you first.
They also have this variation.

Another thing that fascinated me was this entry on Eat the Damn Cake on sluttiness. I touched on it in my last post, when I was discussing feminism - well touched on it to the extent I asked "is dressing slutty a feminist statement?"
I looked, and still look to some degree, on my sluttiness in the past and see it as me exploiting my sexuality and using it to my advantage. I had fun, I was in control. Sometimes I ponder whether I was just trying to boost my self-esteem and make myself feel better. But I have never great been at commitment, and I'd started down a road that meant commitment would be ever harder afterwards (I found this out when I tried to commit in my 3rd year of university, and my history proved a massive problem for my boyfriend). But we all do a lot of stuff to boost our self-esteem, so I'm okay with it if that's what I was doing. I am what I am. I did what I did. Nothing's gonna change that.

**

I finished reading The Picture of Dorian Gray. It's surprisingly relevant to what I'm researching at work - the halo effect.
I enjoyed it immensely. I love classic books. I finished Tess of the d'Urbervilles last month, and loved Great Expectations earlier this year. I can't remember the last fiction book that I thought was written really well.

The Search for Spock...

The best thing about my job is that I get to learn about new things. For example, the Eurozone, British Transport Police, Saudi Arabia.  The worst thing about this job is focusing on a topic that really hits home with you and you can't seem to do anything about it.
The representation of women in the media has forever plagued me, but researching the topic of beauty and the media for my job has opened my eyes. I'm not alone in my opinion. In fact there are people out there who have even stronger views than I do, and are calling for change.
This includes people such as Kat Fridkis, at Eat the Damn Cake, who is a delight to speak to and learn from.

But this has made me decide that I need to do more to help other women and spread the word to challenge the way we are advertised to, and used in advertising. The problem is that the beauty and fashion industries are convinced that products only sell when thin and beautiful women advertise them. The fact is EVERYONE is beautiful in their own way, and I would be more likely to buy a product if it was advertised by "ordinary" women (the Dove adverts are a case in point, but while they do some great work - Onslaught video, Self Esteem fund - they are a flawed case in point - "real women have real curves" - what about the women who don't have curves?!).
What I'm also finding is that alot of the anger directed at how the media represents women is tied inextricably with feminism. I have always classed myself as feminist, but a passive feminist, if there is such a thing. I refuse to marry, I will not have kids. But I don't actively preach (is preach the right word?) about the issues feminist are fighting for. Perhaps because I don't actually know... Are there really the men-hating feminists? Is dressing slutty a feminist statement? What about sleeping around?

Almost 5 months ago, my mum made the most feminist move of her life - she asked for a divorce. And putting aside the anger and the hurt that this action (an agreement from my father) has caused, my mum became a feminist in deciding that she wasn't going to put up with my dad's dirty washing on the bedroom floor anymore. She didn't want to pick up after him, or make him dinner. Go mum!
But then she got false nails. She's had her eyebrows dyed and her moustache bleached. And I don't see how those actions could free her from the oppressor that is my father and her boring marriage.

I want to be feminist. But does being feminist mean using my looks to get me power? Or does it mean working so hard and making sure my looks don't count? Does it mean working inside the system to get to the top to make a difference, or fighting it every step of the way?

I'm becoming more aware, and more accepting of myself as a woman, and as a result, I believe I will be more aware and accepting of myself as a person. I hope for a day when my self-esteem does not plummet just because I get a new spot on my chin. I'm just hoping that my other obstacle, the headache obstacle, doesn't hold me back.